"Happy Birthday To You"- S. Wonder
My blog has gotten really depressing as of late, so how about a little good news for a change! LOL
June 18, 2009 marked my 31st birthday.
My boyfriend and my mother planned, unbeknowst to me, to get me to California for the day to spend the day with my family.
Before I knew it, my whole family was together for the first time in four years.
Not only that, but TallT's mother, brother and his girlfriend even showed up and had a great time.
We drank, ate, played pool and just enjoyed each other.
My dad even said the most beautiful thing to me in front of everyone and it was completely unexpected. I will save that for another post, because it deserves its own spotlight.
We took a lot of pics and I will post them in the Snapshots section soon. I just have to clear out some of the pics that are in there now (out with the old... you catch my drift!).
Anyways, thanks baby (TallT) and mom.
To have that combination of the people that I love together in one place on my birthday was the best possible birthday gift anyone could have gotten me.
"You Don't Have To Say You're Sorry (But I Sure Do Wish You Would)"- V. Williams
Something has got to give!
I don't know what else to do!
I thought that this year was about regaining control of my life, but the more I try the more out of control everything gets.
I thought that if I put honest energy and effort into something that it would work in my favor.
Everything is crumbling and I can't do anything to stop it.
My contracting company is standing between me and a full-time position with a VERY reputable company that was expressing interest in me, before my contracting company called, threatening legal action. Basically, it wants to keep making money on me. I have been working very hard trying to get hired on full-term and had no idea that my contracting company would ever stand between me and this position. The contracting company is so cut throat that it called two hours before I was supposed to meet with my section chief at work to discuss my future at work and had the meeting cancelled. Just pulled the rug right from under me.
There are other things, but they are too embarassing to even get into. I just don't even know which way is up.
"Fantasy"- M. Carey
I am soooo looking forward to this weekend.
I am taking a trip with my man.
It is our first as a couple so I admit that I am a little geeked about it! hahaha
We both need a break. We have been going non-stop for the last few months so some downtime is just what the doctor ordered!
I am already packed. I have to go home and make sure he has all of his stuff together.
Catch you guys when I get back! Have a safe and FUN Memorial Day weekend!
Summer is upon us!
"On and On (Cool Summer)"- J. Jackson
BBQs
Pool Parties
Great Music
Drive-In Theatres
Summer Action Blockbuster Movies
Dancing At The Club
Tank Tops
Sandals
Sunglasses
Other Boys In Tank Tops (hehehe)
Walking On The Beach
San Diego In July
Sleeping Outside
Lemonade
The Abbey In West Hollywood
**********
Yes, the summer is DEFINITELY my favorite time of year!
"The Greatest Love Of All" - W. Houston
Two posts for the price of one:
STAYING IN MY LANE
I have to learn to shut my mouth and open my ears.
As you all know, I have a boyfriend who is raising kids with his ex-boyfriend. It is even more complicated than that, but there is no reason to put ALL of the business out there.
Well, I love the kids to death. I spend time with them and listen to the things that they say which in turn casues me feel a deeper connection and a want to do things for them.
There is only one problem. They are not my kids. I can go only so far when it comes to my opinions about their upbringing, birthdays and actions. I definitely need to do better about not speaking ill of my boyfriend's ex when it comes to his interactions with the kids. I have to remember, that at least at this point, I am not a stepfather. I have a boyfriend who has kids. That being the case, I should stay in my lane and just help out where I can and not voice my opinion about others. The good thing is that my boyfriend is really good with the kids (I am peeping that in case we ever have kids of our own).
I HAVE BEEN CHANGED
A year ago, I was adamant about one thing. I wanted absolutely NOTHING to do with children. I didn't want them and I did not want to be around them.
Bottom line: I thought that they required too much attention.
What a difference a year makes. I have been bitten by the bug and see things that are bigger than me.
I really want my own kids. (Please everyone, close your mouths! This is not a test!)
It has been on my mind for a minute. I often wonder how different life would have been if my boyfriend and I would have been together three years ago when the opportunity to take in his nephews presented itself.
There is something about watching a little person grow into something that you helped create (whether biologically or by being a caretaker). I am not too geeked up about changing diapers or waking up in the middle of the night but I am emotionally ready to take the plunge.
I think I would be a really good father. I pretty much helped raise my younger brothers in the early stages of their lives. I come from parents who really gave their all as parents. The man, who I call my father, is really my stepfather and I love him to death because he stepped into a situation that was foreign to him, loved my mother, even though she had kids that were not his and created a life with her and ended up having more kids, adding to our family. He gives me inspiration.
We will see how things go.
"One Of Them Days"- W. Houston
I walked in to the house yesterday after a hard day at work and a workout at the gym with a list of things I wanted to accomplish last night.
I gladly let all of those things go when I smelled dinner cooking and heard a bath running for me.
That's right bitches! My man was doing it big last night and I really appreciated it!
I got myself a lil' sip of an adult beverage and luxuriated for about an hour.
Those two unexpected sweet things made a huge impact. I ended up being so relaxed and had the best night of sleep.
I felt so good, I jumped out of bed this morning to head to the gym at 5am! Yup, I was that energized!
The simple things are always the best things, don't you agree?
"Put Your Records On"- C. Bailey Rae
Thank God for the weekend!
I was running low prior to it and am feeling much better now.
I did not lift a finger this weekend. I stayed in the house. I did not fold one stitch of clothing, slept all day (Saturday and Sunday) and had a marathon music/singing/dancing moment last night.
Thank you Mariah Carey and Smirnoff Vodka. I felt so free listening to all of her cds while singing along (badly, I might add! hahaha). I kept my glass of "adult beverage" in my hand the whole time (not spilling one drop!). I was in my own world and it felt GREAT!
I have been so concerned lately about everything around me. I have been trying to control everything instead of allowing life to happen.
Don't ask me why I am so on edge right now. I don't want to be, but for some reason, I can't help it.
I think it is because nothing in my life is set in stone right now. I am used to structure, but nothing is structured right now. I feel like everything is hanging on by a string.
Well, this weekend helped me to relax. It gave me time to reflect and decide what to do in order to get that structure back in my life.
The first thing I realized is that I can't be SO concerned about others and their decisions (we each have our own stories and reasons we do the things we do).
The second thing I realized is that I have to take time to relax (in my mind, I already have a nice warm bath waiting for me when I get home).
The third thing I realized is that I have to focus on the positive again. All of this negative stuff was around me back in the day, but I chose to focus on other things. It came across in my writing, my attitude and my actions.
My quiet reflective time this weekend was just what I needed. I was able to be completely honest with myself about certain things.
My solo-music party was just what I needed as well. Dancing around in my underwear (hahaha) allowed me to free myself of so much stress and get in touch with my mojo again.
I didn't take myself so seriously. I was goofy. Life was exactly what it should have been in that moment.
I am still in a good mood.
"Cherish" - Madonna
Gotta love the avatars!!!
I am all about self expression and, in this digital age, I have to admit that avatars are one of my favorite tools for it.
This is the one I created for myself last night.
Feel free to add me to your IM lists if you'd like. I can't promise how often I will be logged on, but I would love to see all of your avatars. I would love to see how you envision yourself.
Yahoo! Id: kennyking78
"Live Happy" - C&C Music Factory
I sometimes forget how lucky I am. I mean, I am a black man in America and I have the freedom to be who I am and not hide behind any kind of facade. I am free to be the me that I want to be.
Living in Las Vegas and growing up in Southern California (two very liberal places as far as most things go...), I think that I grew up rather open-minded and accepting of a whole lot.
Well, I spent the early part of my 20s enlisted in the United States Air Force and that time allowed me to experience a life that was full of censorship and inequitable situations.
I had a taste of both and decided that I was going to live the life that would allow me to be the AUTHENTIC me and not the me that society said I should be.
I think I just lucked up when I moved to Las Vegas and fell in with TallT and Xman, two of the most self-assured men I have ever met. They just keep it real all of the time and I enjoy that about them!
My friends and I really do walk around Las Vegas and have never felt out of place because we are three gay black men. We just live our lives. Whether we are cutting up at a restaurant, walking through the casino arm in arm (all of us) or sneaking a kiss when we are at the grocery store (me and TallT!!!), it all just comes second nature... at least to me it does.
That being said, I think that a part of me forgets that not everyone has had my experiences in life and don't see things as cut and dry as I do...
If that were the case, there wouldn't be so many down-low brothas out there, right?
Heck, in some places people would probably get seriously gay-bashed for doing half of the things I do so freely in my day-to-day life. (I also think that standing at 6'4" and having a muscular 200+ lb. build helps enhance my sense of security.).
I have been to the South and I have also had plenty of dealings with my extended family. I know that there is little room for discussion when it comes to homosexuality. It is highly unfortunate, but true.
Writing this makes me wonder what direction my life would have taken had I never come to FULL TERMS of how I wanted to live my GAY life.
What would have happened if I would have given in to the fear of rejection from loved ones or the fear of a broken heart or failied relationship with another? What if I would have continued to only fulfill sexual desires with a man instead of also tending to my emotional needs as well?
What kind of life would I be leading?
Would it be any kind of life at all?
I am thankful for my BLACK GAY LIFE...
Shoot, everybody ain't able.
I am just a man trying to make his way through this life.
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